


The Scientific Evidence in Favor of the Existence of Vampires

by aliceinwonderbra



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: BtVS season 3, Drabble, F/F, Fluff, isn't it crazy how slaying always makes you so, minor X-Files crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26935951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceinwonderbra/pseuds/aliceinwonderbra
Summary: In which Fox Mulder gets a hot tip about a little town in Southern California. Minor X-Files crossover, pointless cuteness.
Relationships: Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	The Scientific Evidence in Favor of the Existence of Vampires

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written as an Easter egg for C2, but I thought it might as well see the light of day. :) Unbeta'd so please forgive any errors. :D

They’re crouched in the bushes bordering the cemetery. The cuffs of her pajama bottoms are crusted with mud. She sighs and looks at her partner. His jaw moves as though chewing, his eyes trained on the pair of young girls moving among the gravestones. She’d been ready to get a good night’s sleep before their early morning flight, when he’d shown up at her door armed with flashlights and his persuasive smile. He could never pass up the opportunity to squeeze in an extra case—particularly one that had such scant evidence that their 302 would be denied summarily.

“Mulder,” she says with the faintest hint of impatience in her voice, “are you going to tell me what we’re doing out here at two in the morning?”

He glances at her, eyes twinkling like lights on a Christmas tree. “Just watch,” he says.

Scully sighs, shifting her weight from her falling asleep left ankle. Two men come walking around the side of a mausoleum, heading right for the girls they’ve been following. Does no one sleep in this town? And why are they rendezvousing in a cemetery? Scully observes them keenly, eyes open for signs of a drug exchange. Of course, Mulder wouldn’t have been interested in something so pedestrian as narcotics. Perhaps they’re exchanging alien artifacts, or tips on how to hone one’s telekinetic powers.

The taller man backhands the blonde girl without warning, sending her sprawling to her butt. The situation delves into chaos almost before she can react. The brunette is pummeling the other man, and seems to be holding her own. The blonde executes a particularly graceful flip up, landing on her feet with her fists raised.

“Mulder,” Scully whispers urgently, “we have to stop this!”

Mulder watches the scene with growing intensity, making no move to leave the bushes or interfere.

“For God’s sake, these men will kill those girls,” Scully insists. She reaches under her jacket, feeling for the gun holster she’s got clipped over her pajamas. She unsnaps the restraint over the butt of her weapon. Mulder makes no move to follow her example.

Now the girls seem to have the upperhand, twirling and punching with ease. Scully watches with mounting horror as they produce matching wooden stakes.

“Let me introduce you to Mr. Pointy,” the blonde offers to the man she’s just kicked soundly in the jaw. “You won’t like him.”

Scully leaps to her feet, pulling her gun free. Before she can yell, both girls act in unison, plunging their stakes into the chests of the men.

“Freeze!” Scully screams, completely aghast that Mulder isn’t drawing his weapon as well. “Federal Agent!”

Before her bewildered eyes, both men suddenly disintegrate.

The girls look at each other, putting their hands up in the international sign for ‘I’m not going to do anything stupid.’ Mulder hops to his feet, chuckling maniacally.

“Did you see that, Scully?”

XXXXX

Buffy and Faith sit side by side on a doublewide tombstone, shoulders pressed together. Faith’s feet kick lazily, her heels knocking irreverently against the engraved names in the stone.

The two FBI agents are standing at a distance, arguing in a whisper. Buffy and Faith can hear every word.

“I’m hungry,” Faith complains out of the side of her mouth. “Let’s split while they’re distracted.”

“You want to run from the FBI?” Buffy asks incredulously. “It’ll take them like three seconds to track us down.” She brings her hands together, nervously cracking her knuckles for probably the tenth time since the female agent ordered them to sit down in no uncertain terms.

Faith reaches over, grabbing one of Buffy’s hands and pulling it into her lap. “And then what? She gonna scoop the vamp dust into evidence bags and bring us up for murder? Come on, B, this is bogus.” Her thumb rubs Buffy’s knuckles soothingly. “Besides, the other one’s about three seconds from asking for our autograph.”

Buffy leans a little harder into Faith’s shoulder, considering the two agents.

_“Why do you refuse to believe in the existence of vampires when all evidence points to that conclusion?”_ The man demands, waving his hand in their general direction.

_“Because that’s ridiculous,”_ the woman hisses back. _“Vampires don’t exist!”_

“She should join the Sunny-D PD,” Faith snarks. Patience with this brush with the law totally gone, she hops off the tombstone, placing both hands on Buffy’s thighs. “For real, let’s go. These two are gonna be here until they die of old age. Let’s go back to your place.”

Buffy’s attention is instantly drawn toward her companion. “My place?” She asks, the corners of her mouth turning up. “You’re sleeping over?”

“Somebody’s gotta protect you from the FBI,” Faith says agreeably, leaning in until her mouth is millimeters from Buffy’s. “Besides, you wore these pants on purpose.”

Buffy hops off the tombstone, smirking. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, you do,” Faith says, eyes now glued to Buffy’s backside.

“I thought you were hungry?” Buffy asks, casting one more nervous glance at the two agents.

“I am,” Faith says, her palm sliding in Buffy’s back pocket. “I could just eat, and eat, and _eat_ …”

Buffy practically shivers. “Okay, you convinced me, let’s go.”

Faith takes her hand, and the two of them disappear into the dark cemetery, leaving Mulder and Scully’s quietly bickering voices behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this silly little scene! :D


End file.
